Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
