she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
