two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
