somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
