Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
