WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
