i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
