operation harelip BJ is a go
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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