Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
