grandma shit on top of the toilet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
