Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
