That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
