Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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