he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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