Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
