I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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