Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
