Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
