now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
