That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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