I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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