She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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