it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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