Me too!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
