mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
thus making me awesome and them whores
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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