we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
