just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
