i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
