I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
