she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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