took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
