We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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