You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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