you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
