I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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