we made out on top of his cat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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