it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
