So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
