It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
pray to the hookup gods
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
