2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
