If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
