Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
