Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
