why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
