There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
