New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
