I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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