I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
