New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
