Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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