what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
