I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
